What if I told you a very simple methodology could change EVERY relationship in your life? I have three boys and each one of them values different things and knowing this methodology has improved our communication, they are happier, feel seen and understood and conflict in our home is much less.
What does a term that makes you think of a financial institution have to do with relationships?
I get it. When you read “BANKCODE”, it doesn’t necessarily seem to have anything to do with relationships. And I will say, it ABSOLUTELY has everything to do with them.
B.A.N.K. is an acronym that stands for Blueprint, Action, Nurturing and Knowledge. BANKCODE is the term we use to describe the order of a person’s preference of values in each of these “codes.” This methodology is a tool I use in my family and part of what I teach my clients to use to increase the effectiveness of communication and bring more harmony into the family.
Read on to learn more…
Evolution of BANKCODE
BANKCODE has its origins in personality science. Many personality assessments have been developed through the years; most of them based on Hippocrates’ Theory of the Four Temperaments. BANKCODE is based on those same four temperaments. Cheri Tree, the founder of this methodology, developed it over twenty years ago as a sales methodology. She asked herself, if there are four different personalities that are so different, would it make sense that something that would cause one person to say YES to a buying decision would cause another person to say NO? It turns out, she was right. In 2016, San Francisco State University scientifically validated this methodology, finding that it is unique and does in fact “predict buying behavior.”
Buying Values vs. Buy-In Values – Is There a Difference?
“Buying values” can be defined as certain values that are held in high regard that need to be met before a person agrees to say YES to a buying decision. If these values are missing or disrespected, they are more apt to say NO.
In a selling situation, we call these buying values. Let’s take a moment to think about this concept of selling. Selling is simply influence and when we are in conversation with someone else, how often are we either working to influence them through our words and actions or they are trying to influence us? Selling is simply influence and influence comes down to communication.
In this case, “buying values” can be considered the same as “buy-in values.” In other words, are you buying in to what your child is saying or not? Is your partner buying in to your opinion on an important topic?
When we can understand what values our loved ones hold in high regard and communicate to meet those needs, we can more quickly be heard and understood, they feel respected, and communication gains efficiency and success.
Benefits of Seeing Others Through Their Lens vs. Your Own
My husband used to test my patience every Saturday morning when he would insist we sit down in our cozy kitchen nook with a cup of coffee and plan out every aspect of our day. While I wanted to just get moving and start doing things, he needed to know what we were going to do, the order in which we would do it and by the way, what are we having for dinner tonight? I was like, “Dinner? We haven’t even had breakfast yet! Why are you talking about dinner?”
After learning about BANKCODE and understanding the different ways in which we show up, I now understand planning is a value my husband holds high – he needs to know the plan, so his day is predictable. For me, I do not hold those values as important. I prefer spontaneity and flexibility, which can feel very different. So rather than feeling irritated and impatient with his need to talk through our day, I lean into empathy, knowing this matters to him and when I can hold that time and space for him to talk through our day, he feels valued and respected and THAT goes a long way in deepening our relationship and communication.
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